Dear Single Mom,
After 26 years of being a Christian and the last almost decade of being a single parent, I can honestly say God will, can, and wants to take care of you. As I think of what God has brought my family through over the last 9 years, I ask myself how I can sit and say, “Why didn’t you bring me a husband? “Why was being a single parent what you had for me? ” or Why were things so difficult?
Through the difficulties, I have seen God’s hand of promise and provisions. Until I became a single parent I didn’t realize the struggles, loneliness, and helplessness at times we are faced with. And that’s not to say married couples with children don’t face those same battles because they do but it’s something about being alone that gives it that extra element.
I remember telling my single-parent friends..” Well, why can’t you do this or that?” or saying things like…”Well if you had just done this, that wouldn’t have happened.” And though that could be the reality, those comments weren’t helpful when all they needed at times was just someone to listen. An acknowledgment of their situation. Or perhaps just a word of encouragement and/or a directive to turn to the Creator.
Becoming a single parent opened my eyes to emotions I didn’t even know I had an issue with. At many points in the early years of the adoption, I had days where I felt sorry for myself and our situation. I battled anger at my circumstances, and frustration that things weren’t working. On top of the school struggles, I had medical issues we were dealing with for my daughter and then myself. There were days when I could barely get out of bed due to illness and I would cry and ask God why things had to work out this way. Along the way, I lost my job, moved multiple times, and even was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer!
Although I wanted to be married, I never battled loneliness. But with the children, I found myself at different points dealing with a profound sense of loneliness, which heightened during the pandemic. I would cry at night at times asking God to please, just take these emotions and feelings away.
I reached a point during this time that I realized if God did not intervene I would probably lose it. And it’s at that point God met me. I realized that you don’t have to pretend that singleness is not your reality but the focus of being alone takes away from being present in your children’s life, present in your day-to-day, and will cause you to miss all of the “small” things that happens in life along the way. The hardest battle was turning away from self.
I realized that although I would say the words, God is in control. I didn’t believe it and I wasn’t living it. Because if I did I would surrender to His will understanding that He knows, He sees…He loves…and understands more than I ever could. That He was in control and nothing happens that takes Him by surprise or throws Him off. I began to realize that God could change the scenario of my life in a split second but would I have the faith to trust and take His word, the Bible at face value?
As I began to develop a strong prayer life and a commitment to reading God’s word, I began to almost literally, feel strength returning to my soul. It was at that point I realized that God must become our single hope, especially as single parents. No man was going to give me what God gave me and that was the reassurance that help would come and it would come from Him alone. I learned that God doesn’t just take away the difficulties that life brings. But it is through the tough times, the struggles, the painful things we deal with in life that faith, trust, and a reliance on Christ and Him alone is built. One of my favorite scriptures became and still is today, Psalm 121.
In closing Single Mom, turn to Jesus, the one who sees, hears, and brings strength!
Psalm 121, NKJV
I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.